Free Willy

If you haven't seen "There's something about Mary"... run out right now to your local Blockbuster and rent it. It'll be worth the 15 minute run to the store. It's that freaking funny. Pee-in-your-pants funny. I always thoguht that part about when Ted gets his mister willy caught in his zipper in the bathroom to be absolutely hilarious. That is, until today. Let me tell you the shortened extended version, as all of you who who know me know it is impossible for me to tell a short story.

This morning we got up nice and early and got all ready to head to the beach with some of our good friends. We were semi-on-time, even and left the house at about 845am (pat on the back for me!). We drove about 1/2 hour to this amazing beach. We unloaded all of our stuff. Put on more sun block and swimmy rings and played in the ocean all morning. We were out there for about 4 hours and didn't even get a sunburn! Awesome! It was a beautiful wonderful day for the beach. So we are all done, we walk up to the showers and I rinse myself and the kids. Then I go to take off Monkey's shorts... and I can't. You know that netting that comes inside of boy's swim shorts so their junk doesn't swing all over the place (also for those younger ones to hold the diaper?)... well... a little piece of skin from his mister willy had gotten stuck in one of the iny little holes in the netting and had swollen to a red berry sticking through the net. It was the most painful looking thing. (But Monkey said it didn't hurt too bad.) So, our friends run into the little store on the beach to see if they have any scissors to cut it off... they bring me an exceptionally dull pair of rusty scissors and an old rusty box cutter. Hmm... ok, not much to work with here. So I try the scissors just to cut away the shorts so i have a smaller piece to work with... and they wouldn't cut the netting... on to the box cutter... it works with a little pulling and some help to hold the shorts still from my friends. Then one of the workers finds a first aid kit... no scissors. So then I go to get my purse where I think I have some finger nail clippers... but can't find them. Finally one of the other workers finds a small pair of scissors and I get the net cut free from willy. Daddy will be happy to know that I was sooo calm. I was not a freak. I was on a mission. I was not shaking. Monkey didn't know I was scared until after I cut it off and started crying from relief. Daddy would have been proud.
So after that, we loaded back in the car and headed home... Mel fell asleep and Monkey is still awake and coloring. His willy is fine now except for some red spots where the net was. On the way home, the tops of my legs and my right arm burned through the window. No wonder some ladies cover up here from head to toe in their cars!